Blog

There is an identity crisis in men today. I see the symptoms of it everywhere I look: In the exhaustion of men who run too hard or just run away. In the inner turbulence they bring to their marriages and families. In the binding power of addictions that imprison a man’s soul. And finally in the tragic gender deconstruction of our culture. ... read more

St. Patrick’s Day is just around the corner. We mostly think of wearing green to celebrate, but the man behind the holiday has held a growing fascination for me. Perhaps it’s because he lived as a missionary, something I wanted to become when I was a young man. Or perhaps it’s the autobiography he wrote, simply called Confessio, a document that is the starting point for Irish history. Or perhaps it’s the legacy he left. The Irish church was largely responsible for keeping Christianity... read more

In my work with men over the years, and now especially as a spiritual director, there is one issue that keeps surfacing. It’s not porn or infidelity. It’s not addictions or anxieties. Underneath all of these, I see something else. Here it is: ... read more

Digital media can harm us. This is not a new subject to any of us. But I felt it imperative to throw in my thoughts as a spiritual director. None of these thoughts are original, but perhaps seeing them summarized may be helpful. In addition, while the whole topic is disturbing, we have choices that can keep us untangled. There is always hope with the resurrected Jesus. With that said, here are three of the more significant ways digital media can harm us: ... read more

We were born with a drive to attach. It’s not an option. We will attach to something, either life-giving or life-destroying. Which path are you on? What are you attached to? Let’s start by explaining a bit of Attachment Theory, developed from research in the 1960s and 70s. ... read more

It’s confession time. Heidi will tell me something, and my mind is a million miles away, focused on something else. Then five minutes later I will ask her a question about the very thing she was telling me. I’m caught with no excuses! I wasn’t listening to her. I was just pretending to. I didn’t pay attention to her voice. In the same way, a man is constantly hearing voices in his head. I’m not talking about those with some sort of psychosis. I’m speaking about sane, well-adjusted... read more

The future seems to outsmart the best of us. No one could have foreseen what the past year or two would be like. So I refuse any temptation to prognosticate about this year. But I can speak to how we can face it. Let’s start with a question: What’s your mission for the year? To have a mission means you can’t be hunkering down, in survival mode, or just getting by. Instead, you are on a quest that focuses your heart and your life. Here’s how I describe my mission for year, a mission big... read more

The mythical figure of a dragon is found in countless stories and tales from ancient times. One of my favorites is the legend of St. George and the Dragon from the 11th century. As the story goes, a dragon was terrorizing the countryside and the only way to appease it was through human sacrifice, chosen by lot. Sadly, the lot at some point fell on the king’s daughter. But while she was awaiting her doom, St. George rode up on horseback and decided to challenge the dragon in order to save the... read more

By the word brotherhood, I mean how a man binds himself to other men and so experiences a bond between them. It does not come easy. Women easily create community. But men tend to isolate. Underneath all the cultural and personal reasons for staying alone lies one dominant factor — fear. True community among men only happens when the fear of exposure and rejection is stared down. It only happens when stories of the heart are shared. I call it the brotherhood of the broken. ... read more

We love stories or movies where a group of men are on a mission together, accomplishing some worthy task. The face danger along the way, work through the obstacles, and fight off enemies that attack. Start with Lord of the Rings or Saving Private Ryan for epic versions of this quest. For historical tales, look at Endurance, the story of Shackleford’s attempt to reach the South Pole or Undaunted Courage, the account of the Lewis and Clark expedition. Here we have men on the move, seeking to do... read more